It always feels quite weird every time you have to start something new. The sense of newness, unfamiliarity, which at times makes you feel uncomfortable as if you're crawling on the floor, aimlessly grabbing for something to give you a sense of comfort.
In each phase of my life, I open a new book, rather than a new page. I feel like a new book allows me to somehow escape from selected memories of my past that seem not so relevant anymore; allows me to embark on new adventures, to embark on a journey of anything and every thing that has a hint of...newness.
So here I am, typing away, two weeks before I end my semester. Rather than feel a surge of mixed emotions knowing that I'll be leaving university for a life of the unknown, I feel nothing. Sure I'd be missing some things, some people from university, but not much of it. Because I know I can come back and find them right where I left them, but in different ways.
Sad? Not really.
Happy? I guess so. Happy that I spent over almost six years of my life, studying what I loved despite the challenges that came with it. Happy that I was able to make my loved ones proud. Especially happy that I was able to make myself proud. Because in the end, that's all that matters.
Scared? No doubt about that. Although my degree allows me to swim through the many possibilities that are out there in the vast ocean of reality, it leaves me in a boat of uncertainty.
Sometimes I end up asking myself, "Why didn't I choose the easy way and go for something that had a definite route from A to Z?" But then I realize that maybe my life was set to be on this road of uncertainty. Uncertainty gives me the opportunity to learn about many things without firm restrictions. Uncertainty lets me have a go at exploring the sides of me I never knew I'd have.
But coming to now and today, I'll take life piece by piece, whatever that comes my way.
